SEO meta: A working method for writing standup comedy — premise hunting, act-outs, the one-sentence test, and why your first five minutes take a year.
Five minutes is roughly 750 spoken words, and writing them properly takes beginners months because everyone starts by writing jokes, when standup is actually written by writing premises. The distinction is the whole craft.
A premise is one honest sentence with tension in it: "My mother thinks I'm rich because I live in a city she saw on TV." If a premise doesn't make a stranger nod suspiciously when you say it, no punchline will save it. Carry a notes app and write down every premise for two weeks before you write a single joke — the muscle is noticing, not quipping.
For each premise, ask: what would the wrongest possible reaction be? What does the person actually say, word for word? Acting it out in a character's voice is where most laughs live, not in commentary. Write the scene, then trim your narration to the minimum that sets it up.
Every setup you write should compress to a sentence a stranger understands instantly. If it takes three sentences, the premise is undercooked or the detail is decoration. Cut until the sentence is load-bearing everywhere.
Take new minutes to the quietest room you know, on purpose. A joke that only survives a loud supportive room is a joke you don't have yet. The quiet room is the editor.
The books that teach this properly are cheap compared to a year of guessing: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=step+by+step+to+stand+up+comedy+greg+dean&tag=my-affiliate-Dev0ps-20.